My thoughts are jumbled. My words and sentences criss-cross at a rate that I need to medicate to calm down.
Trouble is, I don't believe in such medication, and so I ride the manic roller-coaster that currently fills my head. I'm bottled up with ideas, stories, and creative endeavors. To some, this sounds glorious. But I assure you, it's not always the case. Sometimes the day brings so many plots and characters that I can hardly contain myself or my emotions.
There are physical symptoms.
Sometimes, I sit quietly in my head, trapped by my own ambition.
It's been roughly 51 days since 2013 started. I have written two feature length scripts, an hour-long pilot, and jotted down a dozen ideas. The ideas are what keep me up at night, either a consequence of desperation or foolish ambition. This is the result of taking off a year from writing. I had no idea that writing had become my therapy, my salvation, my routine. Breaking that routine was an important and necessary step in fulfilling my potential as an artist.
People ask me what it's like to make a film, what was most rewarding, what was most challenging. I answer in my usual caustic and excitable way, just grateful someone cares to ask. Inside though, I'm not nearly as confident. I don't know what to say, because it wasn't about a movie. It never was. It's about pushing yourself to the limit and attempting something most people consider ridiculous.
Some people push those limits physically. I chose to do so artistically. Only those in my chosen profession understand what it's like to make a film with a two-man crew, having never done the various jobs required, with constant obstacles.
And doing so kept me from the words. The words that give me peace. The words that keep me balanced. The words I need more than I knew.
The writing streak currently enveloping me is by far the strongest I've ever had. 30 pages come off the keyboard, like shaved ice on a frosted windshield. I'm more contained, filled with the type of competitive rage that can be threatening if you give into it.
This blog will change in the coming months. It has to. To be sure, I'm still the goofy stunted kid who reads comic books and plays retro arcade games.
But I'm different, and I have different things to write about.
I'm not changing the design to appease anyone other than myself and who I am now. I hope those of you who have graciously allowed my words into your life will follow...
Either way, I need the words.
Don't misinterpret, this is the happiest I've ever been. I'm working and being asked to work. It's finally starting to crack open for me, and I couldn't be more excited for the future!