I was about to write a very different blog than the one you now read.
It probably had something to do with Star Wars, Green Lantern, or some other space-age oddity. I suppose it doesn't really matter, because those once-immediate thoughts are now lost, replaced by my need to express something deeper.
When I took my little blog and turned it into this website, I made a decision to focus on the types of subjects that most defined me. But that's the problem with definitions, by succumbing to them, we diminish who we are.
Instead of writing about all of those other things today, I'd rather focus on what's really on my mind and why.
There's something stirring inside me, a kind of distant storm that never fully goes away. Sometimes it comes harder, or from different angles. All that matters is that it exists.
I don't know when it started, but I've always been a bit of a seeker. How you view what a seeker is comes down to a matter of perspective. Do you seek out art? Nature? Peace? Religion? Love? Knowledge? Or is your mind so open that you seek out all these things and more?
The world is moving with inescapable momentum, filled with more ways to connect than ever before. Yet in many ways, we've become more isolated and thus, disconnected. Technology can weigh your mind down, as is the case with me. Check email. Facebook. Twitter. Update your blog. Update those updates. Edit other pieces of information.
Sometimes I think it's all bullshit. Don't we all?
You're in a meeting somewhere, talking about some 'potential project' or what direction your career should head in, and you just want to stop and say... "Hey man, forget about all of this. How are you doing today? What's happening in your life? You doing okay? Wanna go down to the record store?"
What I've come to learn is that connecting with others is the key to my own sanity and inertia. And by connecting, I'm not speaking about a comment that neatly fits into 140 characters. I'm talking about the moments in your day when you and another human being actually converge in a moment of real emotion. This can be had in a deep conversation, or just simply in the few seconds you share with an unknown stranger. He has dreams. She has problems. They're right there, even if you can't see them.
We have the ability to affect dozens of people every day of our lives, and sometimes we fail to remember that. It's no secret that we're becoming a more 'me' society, and I personally struggle with this notion all the time. I know, ironic commentary from the guy who publicly etches in stone his thoughts all week-long. Believe me, I'm well-aware of the hypocrisy.
Nevertheless, sometimes it takes unknown thoughts from someone else to help us understand the moment. Make us remember all the other beautiful things in life we neglect. Simple things.
Today, it was the viewing of the new Eddie Vedder concert film Water On The Road which snapped me out of my own self-induced state of activity and reminded me of the side of myself that I keep locked away, like something on a shelf... only to be taken down in rare moments of introspection. It's a part of my personality that I think and know a lot of other people have within them. It's the adventurous aspect of my mind that thinks living is meant to be far greater than sitting in a Starbucks sucking on cake pops.
Since Water On The Road has most of the songs from Into The Wild within it, it's no surprise that watching it made me want to indulge my excursion instincts. For me, it's a call to arms. Do something a little bit off the beaten path! To take that month log cross-country trip. To camp for weeks. To surf. Kayak. Hike a mountain. Jump in a freezing cold river, only to be pelted with a nearby waterfall. To seek solitude and meaning.
This type of seeking exists in all of us.
How many of you knew immediately the type of longing I'm speaking of?
It's a universal thought that resides in all of us, though so few of us actually partake in it. We have bills, responsibilities, and obligations. They hold us back, and keep us from finding the moment... from letting us truly be free to the point that life really does seem overwhelming. To let the emotion in.
I'm afraid. Afraid of looking like a tourist. Afraid of what comes with a journey of genuine magnitude. Afraid to go for something bigger.
I'm afraid of being that guy in the movie that morosely tells his apprentice that he screwed up. To say he had so many other plans. Books he wanted to read. Movies he never checked out. Countries he never quite reached. And most of all, friends and family he forgot to have that one special conversation with.
So many times, I'm afraid of actually doing the things I want. After all, it's just too damn easy to live safely within the four corners of my existence.
It can be sad to realize this, unless it becomes the propelling inspiration needed to live life the way you always wanted to.
We can knock down these plastic obstacles, if only we let them. They cause friction, but they certainly shouldn't impede the seeker in all of us.
Because maybe, just maybe, we're all seekers in different ways.